Tuesday, April 26, 2011

As I have been researching the concept of archive and archival acts, primarily from a Derridean and Foucauldian philisophical perspective, I ponder the idea of archive as a ghost, a haunting, a sorrow, a grief, and a false sense of self-fulfillment and contentment. I read somewhere that Yoko Ono once said, "I believe in people so much that if the whole of civilization is burned so we don't have any memory of it, even then people will start to build their own art. It is a necessity- a function. We don't need history." I wonder now, is it possible to free oneself of archive? I can only speak for myself when I say that everything in life is used, contaminated from previous existences and experience. However, I fear that this mentality is holding me back from a new sort of transformation. I fear what I might lose because I hold so much in my life as dear and historically integrated necessities for my being, but then I cannot accept to be. I live my life in fear. I am afraid to let go of this fear because I know it will hurt, and perhaps traumatize me, but Kira O'Reilly once told me that "Pain is weakness leaving the body." I cannot let go of lanuage or bodily experiences, but I can somehow embrace the transformations this knowledge within me produce and reproduce. I can make, do, create, and destroy the materials around me and I believe that will be ok. In this sense, there is no pressure for me to stay the same, for I am always a verb, in the process of...

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